The Gift of Awareness

Saturday 27 October 2001
8:40 am  Brian smiled at me as I walked in the room this morning, and continued smiling as I greeted and kissed him. Later he gripped my hand. When Nurse Penny spoke to him, he looked at her urgently and wanted to talk, straining, creasing  brow, opening mouth.
9:30 am  Dr. Fennel examined Brian, then I went back. Brian is very responsive to me, with eyes, facial expression. Doesn't seem to want me to leave. Gave Jamie a big grin when he saw her. She and Marshall came in, Jesse followed when I left to nap.
All numbers were good. Coughing well, though RT and nurse can hear stuff in lungs. Off vent all night. Fennel wants him back on if working too hard. Brian will get to sit in the chair again, this morning and afternoon, hopefully. // Brian sat in the chair for five hours. I didn't get to see him, but apparently he really liked it. Still lots of movement, trying to sit up, lifting arms smiles. He had lots of visitors during the day, including Uncle Mike and Jessica Erikson. Penny got him to open his mouth -"Open your mouth, Brian!" - and brushed his teeth. I visited in the afternoon and he was a bit tired but peaceful. We spend a lot of time just looking into one another's eyes. He reaches his arms for me, too, trying to touch, maybe hug.
In the evening he had a bad coughing fit and started gagging, so he was given some morphine. Jamie offered to stay with him at night, so Dave and i could go home and sleep, so when I went in to say "Good Night" at 8:30, he was weary. But he looked at me all the time I was there talking to him and stroking his head.
He is improving hugely.
Smiles are similar to a baby's, but he is PRESENT and understanding much of what is going on. 
When Alana wanted to leave, he wouldn't let go of her hand. He has gripped mine like that, too.